Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
