Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
