I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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