Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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