yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
