Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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