I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
