he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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