I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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