i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You need Xanax blowdarts
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize