i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
