i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
