When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
its liver damage thursday
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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