I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
