Umm I'm too high to move.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize