i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
