Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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