I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
