Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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