You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i drank out of a bidet.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
