I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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