i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
