I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
