how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
