Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
