it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
