its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
