Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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