Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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