He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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