Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
