he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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