Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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