Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
