We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
