I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
