oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize