its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
