Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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