i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
