apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize