She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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