I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's rum buckets o'clock
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
