You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
