Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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