her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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