i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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