I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
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