I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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