just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
