someone owes me an orgasm
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
