Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize