Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
