the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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