Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
