A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
