Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
