thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
FUCK WHALES
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
