U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
