Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
