Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
