i permit you to call me
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
