Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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