Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
