Need sex. Gaining weight.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
