You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
