Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
did i just pee glitter
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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