I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
