she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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