just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
