I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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