After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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