Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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