I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
