I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
