That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
