I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Randomize
