the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
