laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
