i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
