Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
