Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
