I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you didnt know i had herpes?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
