So drunk its hurt
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
