i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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