oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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