My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
