make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
